she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
