Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
