I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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