Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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