You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
