the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
