I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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