So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
