She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
