I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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