You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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