All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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