three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
It's not a walk of shame if you run
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
