You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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