His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
