no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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