What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
