he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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