Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You can't just leave with hair like that
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
