hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
