Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Randomize
