the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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