forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Boobs speak an international language.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
