4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
