how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
