The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
