Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
