On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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