Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I will be naked everywhere
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
