I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
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Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
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Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
PANTIES FOUND
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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