omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
