Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
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