I wanna passion pit in your ass
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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