I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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