so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
