I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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