mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
