so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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