literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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