you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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