Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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