I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
