he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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