You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
