You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
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I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
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I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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