The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
