he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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