I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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