We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I believe in your delicious
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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