Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
