I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
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