I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
