# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
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