This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
