its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
