I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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