he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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