I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
