what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
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As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
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I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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