Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
