i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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