Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
