call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
