Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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