I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
