I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
