Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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