we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Dick very happy bro
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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