Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
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When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
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Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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