she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
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You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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