Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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