can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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