I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
